Returning to School in Middle Age: Hey Mom, I Got an LLM!

Well, if anyone had told me that I would go back to school at age 51, I would have told them they were crazy.  I was not looking to return to school at that point in my life.  However, I was encouraged by my firm to take classes in an LLM program to prepare myself to practice and specialize in a slightly different area of law.  The opportunity sounded interesting, so I went ahead and applied to The John Marshall Law School to participate in the employee benefits LLM program.

I was afraid that I would not be able to keep up with the younger students because I thought it was harder to learn as you get older.  However, I learned that my years of work experience actually helped me to understand the concepts more readily than did some of the youngsters who had never worked.  I also enjoyed getting to know the other students and the professors, whom I otherwise would never have met.

I did find, however, that I was at a disadvantage when it came to technology.  When I attended law school, no one had a laptop computer.  Now, everyone has one and everything is done on line.  Want to sign up for a class?  Do it online.  No more standing in line and turning in registration forms.  Want to check your grades?  Do it online.  Nothing is mailed out.  Want to know what special speakers or other events are being offered by the school?  Check it online.  There is no school newspaper or newsletter announcing events.  Everything is all online.  Classes can even be taken on line instead of in person.  All of these changes turned out to be more challenging for someone like me, who is less technically sophisticated than the younger students, than learning the actual subject matter.  I even had to break down and buy a laptop.  Then there was the fun of explaining to my family and friends what the degree was that I was working toward.  What does LLM stand for?  Legum Magister or Master of Laws.

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Divorcing in a Volatile Economic Market

In uncertain times, dividing the matrimonial pie is more than slicing equal pieces

For couples contemplating a divorce, the volatility in the financial and real estate markets has created an impediment that has left many questioning how they will achieve future financial security while attempting to establish two households.  A common goal may be to split assets equitably, not necessarily  50/50, but all assets are not created equal, and establishing fair market value can be challenging at best.

In these uncertain times, we are focusing on two key messages with our clients.  Number one, make sound financial, not emotional decisions.  And number two, work to create mutual benefit.  This is important at all times, but especially in unpredictable ones like we’re experiencing today.

As you navigate the financial aspect of the divorce process, you should

Develop a realistic budget.

Recognize the financial reality of establishing and maintaining two separate households by developing a realistic budget during and after the divorce.

Thoroughly review your assets and establish fair market value.

Calculating the fair value of your assets can be challenging.  It’s important to consider both the cost and value of assets such as real estate, investments, personal property and a business.

Strive for diversification in division of assets.

The new normal in dividing assets is to understand the risk factors associated with all classes and diversify.  Just as with investing, you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket.

Be civil.

Recognizing the real financial hardships of divorce can be challenging, but it’s important to divide your assets constructively without causing resentment.  The decisions are difficult to make, but with the guidance of a good family law attorney you can reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial to both partners.

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If Your Child is Not Fit, Are You an Unfit Parent? Removal of Obese Children from Home

Obesity is a huge problem in this country for children as well as adults.  Between 16 and 33 percent of children and adolescents are obese,     defined as more than 20% over ideal weight, while morbidly obese means 50- 100% over ideal weight.

Recently a 200-pound 8-year-old was removed from his home and placed in foster care because the state claimed that his parents were not doing enough to control his weight.   Normal weight for a child his age would be about 60 pounds.  While rare, other morbidly obese children have been removed from their homes in the past.   All of these cases have arisen as abuse and neglect cases in Juvenile Court, not as custody issues in divorce cases.  However, all turned on the best interests of the child, the standard for all child custody decisions in Illinois.

Experts argue whether or not it truly is in the best interest of obese children to remove them from home.   The issue is that generally, the entire family needs to revise its eating and exercise habits, not just the child.  The child may learn better eating and exercise habits in another care situation, but the psychological harm of removing the child from home may damage the child emotionally.   Removal is a last resort option in all cases in order to provide help that the parent(s) can’t provide.  Prior to removal, other counseling and treatments were recommended or ordered, but unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, such interventions failed.  The better solution would probably be to get the entire family a diet counselor and trainer to learn healthier habits.

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Planning Tips for Stress-Free Holidays

Parents facing separation or divorce can find joy in the holidays with proper planning

A good plan is like a road map, and although members of families coping with divorce may be traveling somewhat different routes, it is possible to find joy during the holiday season if parents think ahead and carefully plan ways to anticipate and avoid unwelcome detours.

To help develop such a plan, an attorney skilled in family and divorce law can work with parents to chart the best route for all concerned, since both parents and children benefit from knowing in advance how the holidays will be celebrated. Transitions are difficult for everyone, including the children, but a fair plan will allow everyone to take advantage of time together and to make the best of it.  When developing the plan, parents should consider the following:

Be creative: Consider new traditions.

Yes, things will be different.  “Different” is hard but it doesn’t have to be bad.  Although there is only one Thanksgiving day, that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the holiday, just do it on a different day.  Giving thanks certainly isn’t limited to one day a year, and the spirit of hope and generosity is not confined to Christmas.

Develop a budget.

Be sure your plan includes a realistic budget based the experience of past years. Remember that while gifts are important, the best gift you can give your children is the time you spend together.

Pay attention to your emotions.

Resist the urge to allow past grievances to cloud the potential for enjoying happy times. Put unresolved issues on hold and let yourselves savor the moment.

Focus on finding joy in the holidays.

When you know that your children will be away, plan ahead to be with friends or other family members so you are not alone on holidays.

In short, careful planning enables you to enjoy the pleasures of the holidays. These occasions don’t sneak up on us, yet even at Christmas time it is not uncommon to see family lawyers and their clients standing before a judge on December 23rd because of poor planning. Emotional turmoil like that can be prevented if divorcing parents and their attorneys are proactive and prepare for the holidays. The earlier this is done, the better, and now is a good time to begin.

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Combating Domestic Violence in Affluent Families

Victims of domestic violence surround us. Many victims from affluent families serve as pillars of our community, attend professional and charitable events with us, volunteer at our children’s schools, or are simply neighbors.  Outwardly, they appear to enjoy the luxuries and quality of life that the Chicago area provides, but their private lives are drastically different from their public persona.

While the true number of victims may never be known because the crime often goes unreported, research confirms that domestic violence in affluent families is a grave and epidemic issue.  “Elevated socioeconomic status can make domestic violence more difficult to report,” acknowledges Bradley Bloom, Chief of Police for the Hinsdale Police Department.  “For many victims they don’t want to come forward because it serves as affirmation of the demise of their marriage,” added Gary J. Schira, Chief of Police for the City of Batavia.  Both chiefs agree the stigma alone is a major deterrent to reporting the abuse.

For those victims who are ready to take the first step in asking for help, there are many protections that today’s laws now offer.  If there is an immediate threat to one’s health or welfare, contacting the police should always be the first call a victim makes.  For those victims who are considering divorce, but where there is no immediate threat, a family law attorney should be the resource relied upon.  One of the first steps an attorney can help with as part of an exit strategy is to secure a civil order of protection.  Such orders offer many levels of security for a victim, such as preventing the abuser from having any contact with the victim and the children, removing the abuser from the residence, or preventing the abuser from coming to the victim’s place of employment or the children’s schools.

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Am I Frozen Out of My Spouse’s Frozen Pension Plan?

Many traditional defined benefit pension plans that provide a monthly annuity payment to the employee at retirement have been frozen over the past decade.  There are a number of reasons why corporations are freezing their pension plans, mostly economic.  What does a freeze on a pension plan mean to the employees and their spouses?

The simple answer is that a freeze on a pension plan means that the plan does not make any further additions to the employee’s benefit.  Benefits in a traditional pension plan are generally based upon a formula that considers salary and years of service.  The benefit grows larger with the number of years employed and salary increases.  When a pension plan is frozen, the benefit ceases growing.  The benefit is locked in at the amount earned when the plan is frozen.  A frozen pension plan still pays benefits.  However, the amount of the benefit is limited to the sum accumulated when the plan was frozen.

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Illinois Spousal Support Laws: Cohabitation Conundrum

Illinois is one of only a few states where spousal support (commonly referred to as “maintenance”) statutorily terminates short of remarriage.  Specifically, the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act provides that one of the several factors which will justify a termination of maintenance is the cohabitation of the maintenance recipient with another person on a resident, continuing conjugal basis.  750 ILCS 5/510(c)(3).

In many cases, both payors and recipients of spousal support find this provision upsetting.  Many spousal support recipients, the majority of whom are women, are bothered by the fact that their spouse can leave the marriage and pursue a new relationship without any repercussions, while they are restricted in moving on with their lives regardless of the duration of the marriage, the number of children, and their prior contributions to the marriage.  The payor spouses, on the other hand, many of whom are still men, also complain about this statutory provision.  Understandably, the support payors become resentful if they feel that they are making support payments to someone who is cohabiting, as they feel that they should not have to “support” this new relationship.  Over the years, I have represented clients on both sides of the equation.  Regardless of which side, I find myself counseling clients that while I recognize their feelings of frustration, and the statute may seem unfair, they really have no choice…it’s the law.

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Protection of Animals Under the Illinois Domestic Violence Act

Protection of animals in cases of domestic violence is not a topic discussed to often, but there are laws in place for such.  Effective January 1, 2008, a new remedy under Section 214 of the Illinois Domestic Violence Act (“IDVA”) was established, captioned “Protection of Animals.”  This remedy reflects increasing awareness throughout the country of a significant “linkage” between animals and domestic violence.

Significantly, the new remedy is sequentially placed in the IDVA immediately after the remedy relative to protecting property.  Such placement, of course, reflects the traditional view in Illinois that pets are personal property, assignable or allocable between parties in a dissolution of marriage case in the same way non-marital assets are assigned or marital assets are equitably allocated.  Notably, this new remedy is remarkably broad in scope, permitting a court to grant “exclusive care, custody, or control” to a petitioner and/or to order the respondent to altogether “stay away” from the animal.  Especially important is the new remedy’s use of the word “harming” – i.e., a court may order that a respondent is prohibited from “harming” the animal.

“Teeth” inherent in an IDVA order of protection are substantial.  This Act, which traces back to 1982 (when the forerunner to the present statute was first-enacted), entails a unique interplay between civil and criminal law.  In general, any proceeding to obtain, modify, reopen, or appeal an order of protection is civil in nature; but a proceeding as to a violation of such an order may be in the form of a prosecution in criminal court.

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Understanding Your Client’s Mental Health Needs

When working with a client going through the often difficult process of divorce, taking any mental health concerns into consideration is critically important, especially when the issues include custody and parenting time.

Whether you represent the client who has always been the primary caretaker of the children, or the party who has not historically played that role but now thinks that he or she should take on that role, making sure your client’s mental health is in “good shape” almost always pays off.  Keep in mind that anger, depression and fear are common emotions that your client may be confronting during this difficult time, all of which can have an impact on his or her ability to best parent the children.

In almost every case in which these issues arise, you should consider asking your client if he or she is in therapy.  If the answer is no, suggest that they consider doing so.  Keeping  a list of therapists nearby so you can make a referral if asked is usually a good idea.  If your client questions why you would make this suggestion, you may want to explain that this is likely going to be a difficult process, and having a support system such as a therapist in place, can be tremendously helpful in getting them through this time in their life.  If your client fears that this may “look bad,” you can assure them that, in your experience, being in therapy is usually seen as a positive by professionals who are investigating one’s custodial situation.

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Parents Can Strengthen Family Relationships, Even During Divorce

Father with ChildrenThe word “divorce” does not conjure up positive thoughts of family wellness, but emotionally fit  parents can strengthen family relationships even during the legal process and later as a divorced family.  Typically, parents are so trapped in their own emotional chaos, not to mention the arduous divorce procedure, that they involve their children in the process without even knowing it. Commonly heard statements such as, “Your mother is a liar” or, “I can’t afford that because your father has not paid support this month,” are damaging to children. Equally damaging is the inability of a parent to manage his or her emotions. Being emotionally neutral about the issues in the divorce while in the presence of your children is the most difficult yet most critical skill a divorcing parent must have.

Fortunately, local resources are available to keep you and your family legally and mentally fit. One such resource is a parent-education program that teaches parents to deal with adult problems in ways that avoid harm to their children’s emotional well being. By learning the coping techniques to deal with the emotional impact early in the divorce process, a parent can be both more effective in coping and more easily available to their children.

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